im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
