I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
