and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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