i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
