don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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