so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
