They should really pass out barf bags in church
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
