So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
