I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
