i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
