You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
