Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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