dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
