I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
