Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
