Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
