can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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