somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
