I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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