I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize