Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
