Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
