do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
