He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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