No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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