wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Houston, we have a squirter
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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