corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
