how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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