dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
