like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
