It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
