Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
