You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Vodka?
Forever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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