Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i was born a porn star she said
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dicks are not precious.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
