No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
