It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
