I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
