She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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