I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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