My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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