So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
