Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
