I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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