He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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