You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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