What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
