i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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