i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
