After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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