I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
