I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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