I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize