Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
