So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
