put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
