Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
