You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
