using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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