this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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