i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
