Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pants are for mortals
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
