I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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