Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
