I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
