epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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