Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
