from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
