my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
