I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
