Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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