guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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