i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize