after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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