Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
