I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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