I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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