I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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