So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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