what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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