Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
