Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
