We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
