he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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