At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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