i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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