After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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