You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
