Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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