Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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