dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
