it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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