Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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