I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
