I'm gonna have a badass scar
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
